You may have heard about the hullabaloo here in Boston.
A friend, a real writer, in LA, wrote this response, which with his permission I want to share with you here.
Michael Shields
Boston VS LA
So I noticed today that the Boston authorities were getting a lot of flak for a Lite-Brite inspired bomb scare that had everyone freaked out for a while, and thought I'd share something that happened here as an illustration that no matter how bad things are, they could always be worse...
A subway was shut down all day in Los Angeles recently because some homeless guy spilled mercury on the platform. He found the mercury in an industrial dumpster, and kept it because he thought it was 'neat.' And who can blame him? It is neat. Sadly, mercury is toxic as well as shiny. I mean, it's not going to ooze together into a cyborg killer from the future and destroy us all, but you wouldn't want to lick it or anything.
But here's where LA demonstrates that it can be completely incompetent in two entirely opposite ways in one night! Mercury Guy calls MTA and reports that he spilled mercury on the platform at 11pm, and the dispatcher was all 'sure, thanks, we'll get right on that' but he didn't report it and it was there all night, with people steppin' in it with their bunny slippers and poking the puddle with sticks and stuff.
Finally during the morning commute someone thought that mercury was acting suspicious and called 911. The cops found two janitors trying to clean up the mercury puddle with a mop (I bet that looked funny) and it was time for a TERRAR ALERT! They shut down the whole subway, and there was a manhunt for the Mercury Guy that lasted several days, until he finally read about it in the newspaper and helpfully turned himself in. Wouldn't that be weird to be the subject of a huge manhunt and not have any idea they were looking for you? They could be looking for you RIGHT NOW.
But anyway, the point here is that absolutely no one (that we know of) was hurt, which frankly, kind of amazes me, but THEY COULDA BEEN! So, in the future if you happen to spill meth lab chemicals or bomb supplies or somethin' sticky in a public place, when you call it in (before or after running like hell) you should probably explain WHY this is a problem to whomever answers the phone, in case he's drunk or watching TV or something. And if there are any terrorists reading this, don't get any bright ideas! Sure, some homeless guy off his meds may have outsmarted the City of Los Angeles accidentally this time, but we won't be fooled so easily next time! Because...because I said so!
5 comments:
Being concerned about electronic devices left around the city is one thing. Arresting the guy responsible even when it's clear that they're not dangerous is just power-tripping.
My story involves my grandfather who used to leave his suitcase around the back of his office, until one day after work he went to collect it and found the bomb squad about to perform a controlled explosion on it.
Of course, that was in a time when people were actually placing bombs around London.
I'm a bit worried about this new law that apparently makes it a crime to do anything that people might misunderstand. I thought that "hoax" was related to "intent to deceive;" your misunderstanding does not turn my statement into a hoax.
Given that the vast majority of Hom.Sap. consists of dolts, and further given that the IQ of a crowd is the root of its stupidest member, just being alive in Boston can be construed a crime.
Bah. It's all a centrally-orchestrated Republican plot to distract us from the mess that Dubyah has made in Iraq (and the US).
Oh my...
Having seen the boxes, black, with tape and wires, and imagining them unlit, attached to bridges and hospitals, I have to say, I would have thought them explosives, especially if not seen exactly from the front. Lit, head on, close up, no question they are... well, not bombs.
And were I planning a series of terror bombs around a city, I would camouflage them with Sponge Bob decals, or inside teddy bears, or covered with pink frills. Bombs in baby carriages are not unknown.
The media overreacted, no question. But the police responded appropriately. The mayor here has said he is more interested in getting the costs of that response out of the business(Turner Broadcasting) that thought up the idea of putting these devices on public infrastructure, without the knowledge or approval of the city, than in prosecuting the clueless artists. The impression I have is that the two local guys will likely get some sort of suspended probation. I would not be surprized if they already have an immunity deal for their cooperation.
I think the actual charges will be more like recklessness, wasting police time. The difference between murder and involuntary manslaughter. Harm was done, regardless of the intent. Like when you go out into a wilderness area completely unprepared, and the rescue people have to go in after you, and you get a bill for their time and efforts.
It is the media and the politicians using the term Hoax, not the prosecuters nor lawyers.
I always loved this quote:
"Never attribute to guile what could be adequately explained by stupidity."
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