I don't know the attribution of this. I use it as a random desktop image.
After the dentist, D for a cleaning, me for an x-ray and exam, we drove up the canyon to Ruth's Diner for a huge breakfast of biscuits and protein with a dash of cholula. Lip is still numb and lumpy, teeth are proven alive and a bit pushed in. I'm trying to push them out myself, with remarkable, if not complete, success. Still, anything about messing with one's teeth is disturbing. Despite all the country holiday music (that our otherwise excellent dentist plays), the last tune we heard was Linus and Lucy, still easily the coolest Christmas standard.
Being over emotional about losses, these days. Sad and lonely, and nothing to be done about it.
Not into any part of this holiday, money tight - as per. Not into the religious side, and my dabblings on the outskirts of new age mysticism have faded into non-existance this year. Friends fallen away, with the implications that I am a poor friend anyway.
Don't like presents, the only exception being the rare and elusive Perfect one, that comes stealthily from an unexpected corner. As happened this year, in the form of a round, blue box, returning my own pottery reincarnated and more beautiful. D's stainless steel bowl set, our first Festivus back, a test - that he cared more about giving me what I needed than his own desire to give something fun. Proven. Still have them, they are still used often, I never floated a "test present request" ever again. A rubbery, green gel buddha when I was a kid, nothing I would have asked for, but I adored it. I believe it was a stocking present, from "Santa." An afterthought from my mother, then. Who knew?
Maybe on the solstice, I'll get the tree and some lights up, not because I feel like it, but because it will help us feel better. Like smiling, not because it just happens, but because it helps. After the new year, I need to concentrate on a project, volunteer, or take a class, or something. Anything. Being sad is a bad habit, no matter how justified. A positive feedback loop that destroys itself. Self destruction is easy, and unworthy, on any scale.
Curse the darkness, sure. But I'll light some candles, and some sparkly lights as well. No reason not to do both.