Budge

Small day at work, two ORs open, home by 1530. Scrubbed in with a doc that I can harass. As well as my favorite circulator, S. Even pleasant resident and fellow, another rarity. Plenty of help for turnovers. This is the week of a large medical conference that our medical staff attends, and not much has been scheduled, indeed Friday we are closed. Taking the time to slow down, get stuff done.

Poor dear, though, S had to hit the code button for the first time. Not the first code she helped on, but the first that was hers. Patient had a difficult airway, that got worse, and then the anesthesia machine did not work as expected for the anesthesiologist. He kept trying different approaches until he got the situation under control, patient is fine, but at one point he asked for a scalpel. Well, I was ready for an emergency trach, stood with my #15 blade in hand, ready to do as requested, hoping not to have to. Thankfully, it didn't come to that.

But as the scrub, I protected the sterile field, ready to break scrub if I was needed. With so many people available today, I stood back. I stayed sterile myself. If that trach had been necessary, I had the means to keep it relatively clean.

One of the hardest things to learn when new in the OR is that sometimes, one's role is to just stand there and wait out of the way. It's second nature to me now, but that purposeful idleness is extremely uncomfortable at first. I used to have to clasp my hands tightly together, and repeat to myself to stay still, stay still.

So today, when the charge nurse (who should have known better) told me, in the middle of all the fuss, that I should break, we wouldn't be doing the case, I held firm. I'd heard the anesthesiologist say he'd wake him up, not cancel. Time enough later to break down. She was guessing, and had not heard anything new. In fact, after waking the patient up, telling him what happened, they did an intubation awake - after numbing his throat and sedating him, which went beautifully. And then we did the case. I still had all my supplies and an intact sterile field. Because I trusted my own ears, and didn't budge. I've been through more codes than I can count, in every OR nurse role. This one didn't even get my adrenaline going. S needed to go have lunch after, she was shaking so badly. Still, she was calm during, and that is what counts.


Stepped on the scale in Pre-op, and confirmed what I already knew. The winter of my inactivity has laid it's heavy hand on me. Must step up the activity, ease off the sugar, and stop kidding myself that I'm "pretty good for nearly 50." I can do better, and I need to, regardless of back issues. Can't afford new pants. Not to mention how much not fun it is to shop for pants.