A really healthy marriage is about being defenders of each other's solitude.
Occasionally taking a selfish day, and being given it, gladly.
Never taking it for granted. Always being grateful, and generous. It takes a zenlike attentiveness. Done well, the burden is lighter, never heavier.
Unless the beloved is suffering, and I cannot help. Then, it is unbearable.
But on a more prosaic note~
D and I cannot shop. Especially not for food. We walk into a grocery store, and cannot figure out what we want to make for dinner, what food to have in the house. It comes in part from living a block away from a large grocery store for many years. Several trips in a day to finally, actually, get what we talked about needing the night before, was not unusual.
The rule about not going shopping hungry doesn't work for us. Today we had a lovely lunch at India Quality, then stopped for groceries. It took a great deal of will to walk out with makings for dinner. Had we just come out with mustard, a roll of paper towels and a lemon, it would not have been unusual.
There was a phase where we kept thinking we had salsa, so didn't buy any, only to get home and we were out. So, over the next week or so, we remembered salsa. Wound up with four jars in the fridge, each time exclaiming,
"Oh, yeah, we finally did get salsa."
To this day, when in the grocery store, if we seem to be starting this cycle of confusion again (it has happened with other items, to a lesser extent) we say, "Yeah, but do we have salsa?"
This may have also been the time I couldn't get the jar open, and tried the trick of turning the jar over and hitting the lid on the counter. Only I must have slanted it a bit, and it shattered into a shower of glass and salsa and, indistinguishably, my blood. It was shocking, and very funny.
We do, in fact have three jars of salsa right now, but that is variety, not brain cramp. Really.
(Still having to stand to write, so these are patchy posts, scrabbled writing. Moby's eye looking better, D's knee will have a scar, but is healing. I can sit through lunch, which is a vast improvement. When normal service resumes, assume I am feeling all well.)