Math

There is this TV show called Numb3rs, featuring a mathematician who is smart, sexy (stop laughing), and consults for the FBI. I so get this. I had a crush on my college algebra TA, and his endearing Oklahoma twang. I was 28 (I'd avoided anything requiring math when I was a Theater student.) Probably a few years older than him, so stop thinking dewey eyed Freshman. I crushed on him in no small part because he barely took points off for dumb arithmetic errors, as long as the equations were correct, and I got a hard earned B+ from him for the final grade. He made story problems easy, the only way to approach mathematics. And he made the distinction between arithmetic and mathematics.

One Friday, when half the class didn't bother to show up, he shared his passion. He demonstrated a proof on the board, coming alive. And I got it. Oh, I could never go there again without a map and a guide, but I could follow him, it made sense, it flowed. Like listening to my Uncle Walt talk about aerodynamics or building stresses. Or our engineer friends talking computers. Or K talking the chemistry of making computer chips. I'm always enamored of deep, loving knowledge, and being given a tour of a different view on the world.

So, why isn't Mathematics, proofs and rationale, taught in grade school? Seems to me essential, the grammar of math, and much more logical than language rules. I loved Geometry in grade school, because there were few numbers, mostly words, and lots of constructions.

I don't see numbers in my head, like I do words and letters. I cannot add up a column of numbers the same way twice. Which went critical in my statistics class. The instructor (I did not have a crush on her) had us manage 20 or so data point numbers as a quiz, five minutes at the beginning of every class. I could apply the equations, if I could have ever gotten through adding up the initial data in five minutes. A classmate tipped me off to the disabled student union. Blessed be, I took my quizzes there, to take as long as needed, number help. Sitting there waiting for a kind counselor to come check my arithmetic, I remembered my oldest brother trying to teach me numbers. Asked me what they looked like. He incited me to give them personalities. Three was angry, five was grumpy, and eight was heavy and stubborn. The numbers, especially those three, writhed and twisted, like letters for a dyslexic. Dyscalculia. All my stupidity in math became clear.

I took me a long time to learn to read a clock. I ignored my long division assignments, until I was caught, and had to learn my multiplication tables. I shied away from numbers, knowing I didn't get them. I wanted to study Meteorology, go chase storms, but knew I'd need a lot more math than I was prepared to handle. Such a timid twit I was.

Just as dyslexia does not rule out reading, my numeral confusion still slows me, but no longer stops me. See that RN behind my name? Yeah, well. But I don't do Pediatrics, because every dose has to be calculated to weight. I know my limitations. I just know to be careful, check, get others to check after me. I do the Soduku as number therapy. My most common mistake is not seeing a numeral properly. I can tell when I am very tired, I do much worse. I still puzzle it out in pen.

I'm terrible at names, too. I wonder if it's related.