Advice

I am one of those people who gives advice. In part, because it is my job. Although, I will hand scissors and pens so that they can be immediately used, which confuses most folks, the job mostly bleeds off the excess tendency to meddle, to offer unwanted help. I have a weakness for advice columns. Not to follow their advice, but to be nosy. Which is much of why I watch COPS! I can, actually, defend it, as lessons in dealing with difficult people - and I have learned much from the show. But really, it's just prurient entertainment. I spend time talking to the perps, "No, no, just stay there and be calm. Now, see, that cop knows you're lying, just shut up. Don't make armed people nervous." And they never listen to me. As I would expect. Which is why I watch. With my friends, I try not to imply any imperative in my suggestions.

So, let me share with you some really good advice. Not the usual stuff like, Don't smoke, floss your teeth, wear seatbelts. All good, but everyone knows it already. No, I mean the stuff I didn't know when I heard it, and have not heard it very often.

Ibuprofin (Advil, Motrin) has a maximum effective dosage of 800 MG per 6 hours. Exceeding this will not help more with the pain, but will increase the risk of bad side effects. And taking the stuff daily over weeks could well give you a headache, and you will need to wean off of it. It is not a good drug to commit suicide with, you will wind up alive and looking very stupid. (As a strange girl I went most of the way through Basic with found out.)

Keep your bellybutton clean. If you are taken in for emergency surgery, much of it today is laparoscopic, and they use the navel as a reliable anatomical landmark. We will make fun of you if it has more than a day's worth of lint. And if it is very encrusted, it increases your risk of infection.

Smoking is highly associated with bladder cancers, which are often misdiagnosed for years as bladder infections, leaving them a lot of time to grow well.

A bit of cayenne in a hot drink, like tea or cocoa, does wonders for a sore throat. A paste of it will heal up cuts and scrapes. Just go easy, and don't leave it on for more than an hour, and be careful not to get it in eyes. Which means, don't use it for kids.

Vanilla, even the cheap artificial kind, will take the smell of fresh paint out of a room. Just a small dish, or saucer of it, will work very well. A boon to my childhood, when the house was painted all the time, and I was ill from the fumes often.

Wheat germ, eaten daily, works as well as the commercial bulk fibers, but tends to cause less gas. Good in muffins and with cream of wheat.

Try to be positive in speech, rather than not negative. Amazing what it does for the attitude.

If you get a tattoo, that gel ice is great for taking out the pain, as well as the subsequent itch. Those gel ices can be stored in the freezer, and I earnestly tell you, for muscle pain, Ice is your Friend.

Avoid contempt, it poisons any relationship it touches. Even if it is your idiot boss. Contempt never allows change, and only elicits disdain. Bemused frustration is sufficient, and leaves wiggle room for improvement. Don't feed anger, by the same token. It is insatiable and will devour lives. Let it pass through like air through a net.

Call your friends, keep contact with them, even if you are busy. Especially if you are busy.

Elope.

Buzz all your hair off at least once in your life.

Rubbing alcohol in a spray bottle works great for flying insects. Well, badly for them.

No, you don't have to.