Chaos

Some lovely balanced people walk around with a ball of calm in their belly. Wherever they go, whatever they do, they spread intelligence, calm, peace, joy, laughter. We gravitate toward them, when we notice them at all, since they frequently do this without anyone noticing them, without realizing themselves their power, their quiet. But their lives go quietly along, and they roll with the punches and go with the flow, and usually nothing too bad happens to them, because they do not attract stupidity.

And then there are the other kind. Swarming, confused, angry, disturbing folks. They carry with them a ball of chaos in their belly, and no one around them can think straight, despite them reminding everyone what to do. They can be charming, or obnoxious, but they disorder the world around them. Bad outcomes happen to them, because no one can think straight around them, and they make mistakes they would never make usually. It is always the fault of everyone around them, as they rhino their way through other people's lives. Everyone knows them, and everyone warns everyone else.

I had a surgeon with a chaos ball. I called him Dr. Evil. He was a brilliant surgeon, would take over cases no one else would touch, but his patients had the devil of a time getting hold of him for follow up care. He once stopped me consoling his patient who was crying because I had to take care of Him first. He would get tired and sloppy. He treated the staff shabbily enough to be suspended from the hospital for six months -unheard of. I loathed him. He would tell staff "Hurry, hurry, hurry!" and I once told him that it was counterproductive, and he said "I know..."

Last week I got yelled at by a husband who wanted his wife to stay on a gurney, not move to a recliner (they had put her on the wrong way in the OR, so I couldn't put her head up to drink.) Why he thought a gurney was more comfortable I have no idea. She had hives with Fentanyl, which I had picked up and had given benedryl in her iv within 5 minutes. He yelled at me for not getting her the right medication. The resident had written her the wrong prescription, which we were correcting. Thankfully I had the back-up of my fellow nurses immediately, and everything was smoothed over. The patient herself was a bit of a loon which I found out when she woke up enough for me to realize. But I expect all her worry and mis-reported history lead to the errors. Set up a series of errors, and more mistakes will follow as flow gets interrupted. Anxious, chaotic people carry their chaos around with them, and influence others to make mistakes.

I once was a drama queen of small proportions, tended to be fascinated by the charming chaos generators. Married one. Perverse urge to fix it, I guess. My life improved when I decided not to marry discord, not invite it in the house, and eschew stupidity whenever I could. Gradually, like a freighter turning, my life came around, with agonizing slowness to teach me patience on the way. I said "I love..." more than "I hate...", and I found more to give me joy. I became calm, and my friends were kinder, waiters got my order right more often. I learned the worth of flow and a well ordered life. Not regimented, just sorted and easier. Do the prep work and then ease up. I am picky about essentials, and lax when it really doesn't matter. I don't think I am quite a peace generator yet, but I no longer attract chaos.

I did not do any of this alone.